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A Failure To Make Up For All Of My Mistakes

by Mitchell Bergeron

supported by
Dylan Kiely
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1.
I Feel Awful 03:40
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I feel hungry but I don't want to eat. My stomach is empty but that emptiness has weight. I feel tired but I can't fall asleep. I lie in the dark wallowing as I wait for morning. My left arm starts shaking. I try to hold it still but now both my my arms shake. I stare longingly at the blank spaces between furniture, thinking about all the reasons I have to live and there are several, but none of them make me feel any better. I purposefully glue myself to social media, lie and say it's a distraction when in reality I do it because I know it will make me feel worse, but attached. Attached to other people even if it's though liking posts, because I can't stand to be alone, because I can't stand myself. I need constant validation of my existence and that's a problem. Any time I'm by myself for more than an hour I start contemplation if I matter and most of the time the answer is yes I matter, but not in the ways and to the people I want to matter too. That is an awful thing to say, I feel awful saying it.
2.
You Can Kill It But It Won't Go Away 03:13
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There are some days I don’t even want to get out of bed And everything seems so pointless And I know that this feeling won’t go away Oh but maybe it’ll subside for a while If I'm lucky There ain’t nothing but pain today Just sorrow coming my way Ain’t it clear what I’m trying to say You can kill it but it won’t go away Yes you can kill it but it won’t go away You can kill it but it won’t go away You’ve seen the smiles as they dance across your screens All the happiness from the people that you’ve seen You form one yourself but it’s just a mask And you don’t know how long it will last There ain’t nothing but pain today Just sorrow coming my way Ain’t it clear what I’m trying to say You can kill it but it won’t go away You can kill it but it won’t go away You can kill it but it won’t go away There ain’t nothing but pain today Just sorrow coming my way Ain’t it clear what I’m trying to say You can kill it but it won’t go away You can kill it but it won’t go away It’ll fester, rot, and decay You can kill it but it won’t go away You can kill it but it won’t go away Yes you can kill it but it won’t go away You can kill it but it won’t go away
3.
Flawed Logic 02:25
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I have a pantheon of emotions All of which are negative. I hate how much faith I have in them. I hate myself. If I end up like a failure it's because I've been one all along. Woah, that's flawed logic. Woah, I'm flawed. A ray of light slices through my window, cutting my table in half. Eventually the sun will set and my table will be whole again. But I miss my table. If I end up like a failure it's because I've been one all along. Woah, that's flawed logic. Woah, I'm flawed. Woah that’s flawed logic. Woah flawed logic. If I end up like a failure it's because I've been one all along. Woah, that's flawed logic. Woah, I am flawed.
4.
I Don't Want To Be Around 02:34
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Feeling down I’m feeling down And I don’t want to be around I don’t wanna be around I don’t want to be around I don’t want to be around And I can’t see What’s out there for me All my dreams They’ll never be And I don’t want to be around I don’t wanna be around I don’t want to be around I don’t want to be around All my dreams they don’t matter Well, I could scream but it won’t matter And I don’t want to be around I don’t want be around I’d prefer to not be found I don’t want to be around I feel like I’m drowning In all of my frowning And you keep on shouting To swim to the shore But I don’t want to be around anymore Oh I don’t want to be around anymore Oh I don’t want to be around anymore I don’t want to be around anymore
5.
Fade Away 04:35
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It’s the same old thing day after day Rotting inside, but I can't feel the decay Maybe you know what to do? I’m sorry I’m dropping this all on you Maybe I’ll just fade away Maybe I’ll just fade away It’s the same old thing day after day Slowly but surely I’m fading away Oh yeah In the darkness I search for the light It’s artificial most of the time Even when I see it I feel so down in the dumps And I can’t pull myself out of hell with these weak arms Maybe I’ll just fade away Maybe I’ll just fade away It’s always the same day after day Oh I’m fading, fading away Maybe I’ll just fade away Maybe I’ll just fade away It’s always the same day after day Oh I’m fading, fading away
6.
Dead And Gone 04:34
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Echoes of your footsteps on my door But you been gone away, long gone that's for sure Oh Tomorrow will come but you won’t return Oh my mind’s in the gutter I’m gone too But when you leave this time Let the shadows fall behind you And the setting sun looks good When you got nothing to look forward to except The cool of the night When I’m dead And I’m gone You won’t remember me After long When I’m dead And I’m gone You won’t remember me After long God dammit I can’t understand Why I keep feeling the way I am And it’s all In my mind I can’t see that far, oh my god I’m near sighted as hell And I’m losing sleep, and my eyes don’t work no good no more And I want to go I want to go so far but I don’t move all And I know there won’t be no one like you For a long, long time And I’ll try to carry on But I don’t want to carry on, But you know I gotta try Oh I want to feel, feel it again And I know you won’t Remember me after long Because it’s in your heart, burning in your chest It’s killing me When I’m dead And I’m gone No one will remember me After long When I’m dead And I’m gone You won’t remember me After long Oh God dammit I can’t understand Why I keep feeling the way I am And it’s all In my mind When I’m dead And I’m gone No one will care After long When I’m dead And I’m gone You won’t remember me After long Oh God dammit I can’t understand Why I keep feeling the way I am And it’s all It’s all In my mind
7.
Sweet Nothings 03:58
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I’ve got something to discuss with you My mind’s made up, let’s hope I follow through Oh maybe baby you can tell me something I wanna hear And I promise, promise that I’ll listen to you There ain’t nothing but shit lying down this road But we’ll go there baby, if you wanna go Sweet nothings sound so good in my ear They’re the only thing I wanna hear Oh sweet nothings sound so good in my ear Well if you wanna spit in my face, that’s alright by me Honey with you by my side, there’s nothing that I need to see Oh you know there ain’t no place I’d rather be So baby, baby won’t whisper to me There ain’t nothing but but shit lying down this road But we’ll go there baby, if you wanna go Sweet nothings sound so good in my ear They’re the only thing I wanna hear Sweet nothings sound so good in my ear There ain’t nothing but but shit lying down this road But we’ll go there baby, if you wanna go Sweet nothings sound so good in my ear They’re the only thing I need hear Sweet nothings sound so good in my ear
8.
Open Book 02:33
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Let me tell you a secret, one I keep close to my heart I'm getting shit together as I fall apart It's nice to get it off my chest Oh let me whisper to you softly all my greatest fears And you tell me all the awful things I need to hear Tomorrow may not come around for a while I want to run away But there's no where I want to go I want to run away But there's no where I want to go Maybe there's a chance, that everything'll work out A chance is all I have left to believe in right now But I'm losing my faith Your hands feel so cold as I hold them in mine we lie on these porch steps, just losing track of all time I'm such an open book when I get high I want to run away But there's no where I want to go I want to run away But there's no where I want to go I want to run away But there's no where I want to go I want to run away But there's no where I want to go
9.
Stay Strong 03:31
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I look at myself in the mirror And I want to change my face I wish I could be anyone else But me It gets so hard to keep moving When your motivation’s gone And your dreams are just as far away As they’ve always been But I will stay strong I will hold on For you I'll hold on for you And I don't know what I expected you to say All I know it's my fault anyway And honey, there’s a price we all got to pay And mine’s just a slow slide right into decay You all keep me holding on And tear me away from these feelings that I don't belong For once in my life I'll admit that I am wrong So I will hold on I will stay strong I will hold on For you I'll hold on for you I will stay strong And I will hold on For you I'll hold on for you
10.
A Failure To Make Up For All Of My Mistakes 03:13
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I'm not thinking about the long run I'm just thinking about the short track I'm trying to keep it together But my mask is about to crack Oh another failure to make up for all my mistakes I gave you all I got There's nothing more you can take I think about the good times And wonder how many I got left Because I all I focus on right now Are past tears I've wept So I buy some bottom shelf whiskey and fill my cup to the brim Cause I don't want to deal with these feelings again I want to fall asleep, but I'm so far from home You may get lonely, yeah but I'm the one that's all alone I'm not thinking about the long run I'm just thinking about the short track I'm trying to keep it together But my mask is about to crack Oh another failure to make up for all my mistakes I gave you all I got There's nothing more you can take Well the shadows of the city Make me want to crawl out of my skin I want to find a hole to die in just not the one I'm In So I surround myself with good people To help me feel so sane Or at least to distract me From the voices in my brain But the voices in my head Always outnumber my friends And I feel so guilty about existing again I'm not thinking about the long run I'm just thinking about the short track I'm trying to keep it together But my mask is about to crack Oh another failure to make up for all my mistakes I gave you all I got There's nothing more you can take Say it for me slowly so that I'll understand All the lies I need to believe to feel like an honest man In a society that's quick to kill and divert the blame It's only because I'm white and a man that I'm told I shouldn't feel ashamed But I've been wide awake for awhile now And I can't go back to sleep Oh I want to climb the hill but dammit the walk’s just too steep So I wear a smile across my face It fools most but we both know it's a fake Well I'm not thinking about the long run I'm just thinking about the short track I'm trying to keep it together But my mask is about to crack Oh another failure to make up for all my mistakes I gave you all I got There's nothing more you can take

about

This album was influenced by recent events in my life and rediscovering 70's rock music.

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released October 12, 2016

Mitchell Bergeron - Guitars, Vocals, Programmed Bass and Drums

Album Cover Photo by Phil Smith

Special thanks to Andrew Siller for letting me borrow his pop filter.

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Mitchell Bergeron Burlington, Vermont

If you are into weirdos you are in the right place.

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