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I feel hungry but I don't want to eat.
My stomach is empty but that emptiness has weight.
I feel tired but I can't fall asleep.
I lie in the dark wallowing as I wait for morning.
My left arm starts shaking. I try to hold it still but now both my my arms shake.
I stare longingly at the blank spaces between furniture, thinking about all the reasons I have to live and there are several, but none of them make me feel any better.
I purposefully glue myself to social media, lie and say it's a distraction when in reality I do it because I know it will make me feel worse, but attached.
Attached to other people even if it's though liking posts, because I can't stand to be alone, because I can't stand myself.
I need constant validation of my existence and that's a problem.
Any time I'm by myself for more than an hour I start contemplation if I matter and most of the time the answer is yes I matter, but not in the ways and to the people I want to matter too.

That is an awful thing to say, I feel awful
saying it.

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from A Failure To Make Up For All Of My Mistakes, released October 12, 2016

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Mitchell Bergeron Burlington, Vermont

If you are into weirdos you are in the right place.

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