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OH BOY!

by Mitchell Bergeron

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1.
Lush in the Morning 02:31
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Lush in the Morning, OH BOY! Woke up in a haze. He had done back to back DJ sets at two weddings as well as fought off two villains at night. He sat up and looked at the green grass, the trees, and the swing set in the distance. This isn't the first time he had woken up hungover in a park. He frowned. He knew it wouldn't be his last. He wondered how long Doug would stay mad at him. They had gotten into an argument during his second DJ set. Doug wanted to take the relationship to the next level, OH BOY! Wasn’t sure. He had a hard time with self-doubt. He was still wearing his costume and was surprised no one had come over to see him. OH BOY! Stood up and grabbed his two turntables. They each had a record attached to them. The Ten Commandments. They were the source of his super powers. His costume consisted of a thin black mask to cover his eyes and several layers of t-shirts. The outermost shirt had the words "OH BOY!" written on it. He shrunk down the turntables and placed them back on his utility belt. Lightning coursed through his fingers as he did this. There were several other instruments on his belt including a guitar and a drum set. OH BOY! Looked off into the distance, toward the city. He couldn’t shake the bad feeling that was clawing at his chest.
2.
OH BOY! 03:09
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Radio Host Mitchell: OH BOY! savior of the city. By day a local, wedding DJ, by night a DJ superhero. Given the Ten Commandments in vinyl form, he spins slick beats to defeat all forms of monsters whether they are reptilian, robotic, man-made, or even man! OH BOY! keeps a low profile as he is only at the tender age of 22 to 25, our sources cannot precisely pinpoint his age. OH BOY! granted the power to destroy evil though solid sonic sound. His power rivaled only by Jesus, The Holy Ghost, and God herself. The people of our city place their hopes and dreams into his smooth, well-versed hands. Here is what the people have to say! Alternate universe Mitchell Who is into everything: OH BOY's a hero man! He saved me man, and who am I man? Who am I? (OH BOY!) Librarian Mitchell who doesn’t get out much: He saved an entire school bus from a T-Rex just last week. I saw it that and was like wow that's amazing. (OH BOY!) Narcissistic Mitchell who secretly wishes he was OH BOY!: He's a hot dude. (OH BOY!) Not by normal standards but in my book he's hot! (OH BOY!) Mitchell eating a bagel while knowing he would look ridiculous behind turntables: OH BOY! really brings the sex appeal to being a superhero like who knew two turntables and a microphone could be sexy? (OH BOY!) Swayed by everything he sees but unimpressed by monsters or aliens Mitchell: Uh, he's a pretty cool dude (OH BOY!) I saw him doing his thing the other day and it was pretty cool. He was like standing on this corner and then there was this giant robot. It was like beep beep boop boop, you know how robots do when they are destroying the city and shit. And he just came over and he was like "there's just no way" and laid down a sick beat and a those drums those 808's he was bop bop bop bopping along and the robot just got in rhythm and just got along with it and just you know tired itself out and it was pretty great. (OH BOY!) Creepy Old Mitchell: He's a very nice man, very nice. (OH BOY!) Creepier old Mitchell who just wants to remain relevant: Well when I was younger we had different superheroes and they were not as fun as him. He's hip! Just like me. (OH BOY!) Drunk, dirtbag Mitchell: Dude, I was at this party the other night and a he showed up, did a dejay set. Didn't use Ten Commandments vinyl, didn't do that. Cause you know that the superpowers and he didn't want to harm anyone there. They were just there to have a great time and we all had a pretty great time once that dude showed up. Party was dipping out, it was dipping out not many people were gonna stay but you know since OH BOY! showed up it was a pretty fun time. He was dressed in his costume. You know the whole thing with the O and the H and the OH BOY! Radio Host Mitchell: There you have it! From the people on the street! OH BOY! is a sensation, a superhero for the ages, by god he is dandy! I could talk about all day long and not get tired a minute. I love me OH BOY! OH BOY! OH BOY! All the Mitchells all together: OH MY GOD THERE's a monster! Realistic Mitchell who just wanted to have a good time: Where is OH BOY!? We need OH BOY! to save us.
3.
Danger in the Distance 04:32
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Danger in The Distance, OH BOY! Knew he had to head towards the city. He was tired and just wanted to go to sleep but he knew something was going on after he heard the screaming from the distance. OH BOY! knew that he had to hurry. With each step forward he felt a mysterious overwhelming presence. He was getting closer to it. He could no longer feel the heartbeats of all the people in the city. He grabbed the speakers from his utility belt and threw them forward. OH BOY! Jumped into them, one on each foot. “Let the beat drop!” he shouted and the speakers shot him forward, propelling him with drumbeat. He was running out of time. Oh BOY! Had always been a reliable hero but he wanted nothing more than to be wrong about this dread festering in his guts. OH BOY! Needed to be preemptive and he couldn’t figure out how to be in this situation. The hills from the park to the city curved up and down has he hopped, like a feral rabbit, across them. The blaze of green across his feet gave way to the city. He was close. He could see an explosion, the sounds of crumbling buildings sliced through his clothes and sent a shiver down his spine. A bloodcurdling scream was all that escaped from the falling building.
4.
The Monster 02:14
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The Monster. OH BOY! Was just about to cross the bridge to the city when a sonic boom splintered from across the bridge. The sound reverberated around his core and he felt his heart drop. “There are still people I can save,” He thought, “I must not fail them all.” He galloped across the bridge and could now see the debris clear. Behind the smoke and fog of dying flames stood The Monster! It was like a massive lizard with reptilian scales scissoring back and forth. It turned towards OH BOY! And let out a scream!
5.
Hero's Arrival 04:38
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Hero’s Arrival OH BOY! Arrived too late! He saw the countless bodies painted across the streets, limbs hanging from the tops of smashed cars. A stuffed bear soaked up blood from the ground. He heaved and hoed, trying to catch his breath. He hopped out of the speakers and they shrunk back down into his hands. He placed them back on his belt. He staggered forward, out of breath. He heard The Monster smashing cars and windows on either side of him. OH BOY! Felt scared. He couldn’t believe it, for the first time in several years he felt fear. Only when Doug had that cancer scare had he been this afraid. What manner of beast was this, that it could cause this much destruction. OH BOY! Squinted through the dust, peering into the eye of the storm. The Monster’s arms and legs were massive and scaled. It’s claws hacked through concrete like it was water. OH BOY! Felt his heart palpitating. He licked his lips. If he was being honest with himself, he longed for a challenge but at this cost, was it worth it? The Monster turned towards him and grinned, it’s reptilian mouth parting to show two layers of blood-soaked, razor sharp teeth.
6.
The Battle Begins 05:18
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The Battle Begins. OH BOY! Pulled the drum kit, bass, and guitar off of his belt. They each became immense and set themselves up in front of him. OH BOY! Wasn’t the best guitarist or bassist but he thought he was hot shit at drums. He laid down a beat and layered bass and guitar over it. “This should be funky enough” he thought. The sounds flung forward, blasting The Monster through a building. Beams of light blowing all over. “Is that it?” OH BOY! Wondered. With a swathing distorted solo, The Monster blew OH BOY! Away. He felt his wounds from yesterday opening up. His blood soaked the ground. OH BOY! Unleashed another funky assault. It fought away the metal riffs for a moment but then came another distorted attack. OH BOY! Dodged the main blow and found himself trying to flank The Monster. OH BOY! Attacked with all his guitar, bass, and drum skills but The Monster was able to go blow for blow and worse, The Monster could really solo. OH BOY! Pulled out his keyboard and played a chord progression. The Keyboard turned into a giant robot with OH BOY! As the pilot. The words “OH BOT!” were painted across the chest of the mechanical hulk. The Monster laughed. He turned up the volume on his guitar and played it with his teeth. He grew with each note he struck eventually he was the same size as the OH BOT! They struck at each other in massive, slow-motion attacks. The size of each attack was shown in the lumbering wind up each had to take to use said attack. The Monster bit into OH BOT!’s arm. He tore through the armor and wiring, severing the arm. OH BOY! Swung the other arm just in time to connect a strong punch. The resounding thunder of the attack shattered several skyscraper’s windows. The Monster shrank back to its normal size. OH BOY! Had the upper hand! Or so he thought. Unfortunately, the OH BOT! Was immobile. One of its arms was severed the other’s fist was smashed in from the attack. He decided to retract the synth behemoth. On the ground OH BOY! And The Monster’s fight resumed! They danced back and forth, a sonic ballet of harmonious and distorted tones. The thumping beats of each drum set driving the dance onward with the help of the baselines. BUT GASP! In a duel of solos, OH BOY! Could not win. The Monster possessed the fuzz of a thousand pedals, long thought lost in the sixties. He was able to slice through the mix with the purest of pure fuzz, giving his tone the girth and presence of several stadiums. The onslaught struck OH BOY! With full force. He was bashed and smacked across the city like a rag doll. He was a worn-out punching bag. He was dying. The few remaining civilians couldn’t believe it. He was getting beaten by The Monster. The Monster waltzed over to OH BOY! As he tried to get off the ground and kicked him down with its reptilian leg. It smashed Its foot down on OH BOY! And unleashed a soul-mutilating solo from point blank range! OH NO OH BOY! PLEASE DON’T DIE!
7.
Internal Turmoil 03:50
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Internal Turmoil. All is lost. OH BOY! was spasming from his head wound. The citizens looked on in disgust as their hero bled out in the middle of the street. He was bleeding from both ears. The Monster turned around and laughed at the people. He slid his hand up and down the guitar and blasted several people away. They scattered, crying. They didn’t want to die. OH BOY!’s right hand started to grab at the rubble. He dragged his body forward, managing to stand up straight. His instruments were broken. There was no time left to think, he had to do it. The Monster called for it. The Monster deserved it. OH BOY! Had to use The Ten Commandments vinyl. He had to use his strongest attack. “Hey!” He shouted at The Monster as he threw the turntables in front of him. “We aren’t finished!” He dropped the needles on the records at the same time. THIS MONSTER’s GONNA GET RANCHED, LIKE THE DRESSING.
8.
Through All Time 04:22
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Through All Time is OH BOY!’s strongest attack. He took all the power from the recorded commandments and distilled them into a sick dance song. Everyone felt in tune with the groove. He gathered the collective energy from the city’s citizens. The more they danced and clapped along, the stronger it became. OH BOY! was this city’s hero! “EVERYONE GET INTO IT!” he shouted and the citizens bobbed and swayed as best they could with their injuries. The Monster laughed “What is this some kind of joke?!” OH BOY! Just bobbed his head in time with the beat. The crux of this attack was that OH BOY! was helping others and that they were helping him. No one is an island. Without the city’s people OH BOY! Was powerless. The battlefield was turned into a nightclub and everyone was getting down besides The Monster. The Monster shouted and tried to attack but no sound came from it’s guitar. The solid wall of sound created by Through All Time drowned out The Monster’s attack. Then OH BOY! WENT FOR THE FUCKING KILL!!! He sent the collected power at The Monster. It landed with the force of a falling leaf. The Monster laughed, “Is that it?” It's skin started glowing, “What? What’s going on?” The Monster watched as its right hand started to disintegrate. It screamed in horror. Everyone around it was dancing to the song. They were all having a good time and they were laughing as The Monster was dying. Sweat was pouring down everyone’s bodies but their wounds all started to heal. Through All Time is the only attack that OH BOY! Can use to heal people. It also comes with a steep cost but we’ll talk about that in a bit. The Monster felt its insides bursting, rupturing, falling apart as it slowly threw up its internal organs. It eventually melted into a pool of blood, bone, and sinew. A stain that would most definitely be hard to get out of the floor. OH BOY! Stopped the attack.
9.
The Resulting Rubble 04:12
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The Resulting Rubble. The people were healed. Those who had died had come back to life. The cost of Through All Time was that OH BOY! Lost several years off of his life every time he used it. Also he could barely move after using it. He collapsed into a heap on the floor. The rubble surrounded him as his attack could only save the people, not the buildings. The people gathered around him, helping him up. They took him along the bridge and administered first aid, but they knew it wouldn’t be enough to save him. He smiled and waved them away. They respected him and left him alone, occasionally they’d look back at him as they walked away. OH BOY! Stared up at the stars. It had to be at least 5:00 PM. He had a DJ set at 8:00 PM. Poor OH BOY! He just wanted to rest. But he knew that would be asking for too much. He gathered his broken instruments and placed them back on his utility belt and exhaled deeply. They all popped out, fixed, but worn. He leaned against the bridge as blood seeped through his shirt. He thought of Doug as he took a microphone from his utility belt and held it in his hand. OH BOY! Smiled, he had just enough time for one more song.
10.
Another Day Without Rest 03:32
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Another Day Without Rest Maybe there's something you can see Lost in the shell of what's left of me I've giving about just all I can I think I'm going to just take a break for awhile and come back at the end Another day without rest I gave you my all, I gave it the best Another day without rest I gave you more and I’ma leave with less And I don't blame you for it not even one bit No, I know the responsibility that comes with this And I know I've got my own very special part to play But I'm just so goddamn tired at the end of the day Another day without rest I gave you my all, I gave you the best Another day without rest I’d love nothing more than to cope with the stress Another day without rest I gave you my all, I gave it the best Another day without rest I gave you more and I’ma leave with less Another day without rest I gave you my all, I gave you the best Another day without rest I’d love nothing more than to cope with the stress Cope with the stress Another day without rest I gave you my all yes, I gave you my best Another day without rest I’d give you some more, but I got nothing left Another day without rest I gave you my all yes I gave you my best Another day without rest

about

This is the story of OH BOY! An unsung superhero. Read the lyrics of each track to get the full story.

Also if you buy the album here you get the entire story as a pdf file, which is great if you want to see all of the bold formatting that didn't transfer within the lyrics on Bandcamp.

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released April 28, 2017

All credit goes to OH BOY! This is his story.

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Mitchell Bergeron Burlington, Vermont

If you are into weirdos you are in the right place.

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